I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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