i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
