Already got asked if we're dating
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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