The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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