Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
