dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
