I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
