How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
