What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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