Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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