Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
