u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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