I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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