it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
