Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
