ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
