His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
