yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
