That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
