I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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