I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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