You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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