JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
