Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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