Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
