mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
operation have a gay friend backfired
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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