Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
