he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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