There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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