My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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