Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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