We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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