I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
