He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
