oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Small penises have feelings too.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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