We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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