I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
