then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
