Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
