True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
