just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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