I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
