$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
