I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
