What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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