the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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