dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
