how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
