you guys were way drunker than both of me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
