New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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