Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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