I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
