There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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