hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
